Faith through Tribulations... by Alicia

Since I have not written on a personal account for quite some time, and since there happens to be a subject that is laying heavy on my heart, I chose to write about me today, where God has me and where I need to go...


Lately (actually for a while), I have been having a really hard time with "God's Timing". For reasons I am not wanting to disclose to the world, I have been feeling that I am not where God wants me to be, trying to get there, and hitting every single roadblock along the way. Be it that I am stubborn person, I want it MY way, MY timing and usually that means right NOW, I have struggled with the basic principle of waiting on God and therefor have put myself in a situation that I would call less than comforting. 


Being that I was raised Christian and have heard many sermons on waiting and read many passages, I do know that this is something that will cross my path and that believers in God will struggle with... it's just that I see what is happening around me, I see what everyone else is "getting" (so to speak) and I end up right smack dab in the middle of "woe is me" world... a place I often visit and always hate to go back to. One would think by now that I would of learned my lesson of "self pity getting me no where", but I seem to end up on the same runaway train every. single. time. 


It is not that I am not blessed, oh I am. I have a husband that adores me and I him, we had a beautiful wedding with the people we love around us, good jobs, a great house, good family, health, and many other things... it is just it seems like when the one puzzle piece doesn't fit in to where I think I should be right now, I get discouraged, I get anxious and I wonder on God's timing. Road blocks seem to be a way of life at the moment and I start to frantically look up passages to give me some peace.... usually forgetting along the way that God is in control, HE has a plan and HE will see it through to bring about something so much greater than I could of ever planned for myself.


I came across this passage as I was searching for "hope" this morning and thought it was so perfect for what I am trying to express this morning..

"Christian suffering, sharing the suffering of Jesus Christ above as Paul puts it above, is such an important (and often overlooked) area of the true Christian life. There is a false view abroad that "good Christians" are super-blessed and that means "no suffering". Nothing could farther from the biblical truth. The more closely and earnestly we try to walk with Jesus, the more we can expect the evil one to oppose our efforts (2Tim.3:12). And it is in fact the highest compliment a believer can be paid to be allowed to suffer on Christ's behalf (cf. Acts 5:41). Without the endurance of opposition, there can be no proving of faith, no building of faith, no demonstration of faith. When God allows us to be tested, moreover, a big part of it is to prepare us for other things down the line, more difficult things, often enough. As you make clear in your e-mail, the true Christian life is not for the faint of heart, but for those who truly embrace it, who truly take up the call to follow our Lord wherever He leads no matter what the cost, there is no more blessed experience, no greater joy that shines through the tears" --- Robert Dean Luginbill, Ph.D.


I think it is so important to remember that we were never told that because we believe that it will be an easier road... there is no "get out of jail free" card that we are given... but what I do know is that in the past when I have had to wait until what seems to be an eternity to attain something that I REALLY want, I have gotten it eventually, not in the time frame that I thought was manageable, but in HIS timing. And when I did get that thing that I wanted, it was better than I even dreamed for myself.


Case in point... Tyler... 


I had gone through a LONG string of bad relationships before I was even given the chance to meet someone like Tyler. Granted I usually went for all the wrong guys ie. immature, WAY too young, arrogant, had the "all about me" complex, simple minded... and I usually ended up getting hurt not only once, but atleast three times per boyfriend (yes, this was mainly my fault as I would fall back into dating them when they used their "charm" to get me back again... silly me). At the time I once again gained the "woe is me" complex, feeling slighted that I would have even HAD to date these guys (like I didn't take part in that choice) and why oh why is this happening to me?


It had been about 2.5 years, give or take, that I had been playing this game. Now some of you might think that is a short amount of time and nothing to complain about, but for me, it was on my mind everyday and I was watching my sisters have long term relationships (the guys they are now married to) and I was the one showing up to holidays alone because I had just been dumped or the guy wasn't "family appropriate". This started the whole "crazy train" way of thought again.. why me? why can't I get a break? where is the man that I am supposed to be with? is there even a guy out there for me? I must of prayed a million prayers during this time, got angry at God a few times, and cried myself to sleep more than a dozen times before I finally came to peace with my situation and actually started to enjoy the time I had as a single girl to do what I wanted and figure out who I was. And my prayers were specific, Please God bring me a man that "gets me", a man that knows you and loves you, a man that is like me, a man that has a good family, a man that.... and on and on and on... I can imagine God was probably up there saying "For goodness sake Alicia, could you be any more specific?" God does have a sense of humor you know...

It was June 2008 and I decided to go for a drink with one of my girlfriends. We got there, walked around the bar a few times and before the end of the night came, I met Tyler... the man who would become my husband in only 20 months... little did I know... but God did.

And he WAS (and is) that man I prayed for, let me tell you I got every.single.thing I asked for. Yes, it took me almost 3 years to find him, but I got it... all of it.... amazing.

And so is the power of prayer.... HE knows what you want, HE knows what is best for you.. even if it means closed doors, blocked wishes, a lot of pain and waiting and uncomfortable situations... HE is in control and I know that "this too shall pass"....

Until then... I keep waiting, but waiting patiently because I know that I will learn my lesson quicker and easier if I don't fight it....